What John and Rodney Overheard One Day
by hey-meredith
Summary: Just a rather interesting conversation overheard one day in Atlantis by everyones' favourite flyboy and the self proclaimed genius of two galaxies. Rated T just to be on the safe side. Any mistakes within are mine. I own none of the Stargate franchise.


Laura Cadman looked incredulously at her friend. "You've got the hots, for _McKay_? 

"Well, yes, and would you keep it down!" The last bit came out as a hiss as Bella darted a look around the commissary. "I'd rather not advertise the fact just yet thanks!"

"Sorry." said Laura, looking completely unrepentant. "But _McKay_?!" said Laura after a short pause. They were so engrossed in their conversation, that they didn't notice Rodney McKay and John Sheppard walk into the commissary.

The two walked up to collect their trays.

"So what unimaginable substance are you trying to pass off as food today, hmm? Tree bark, monkey liver, Sheppard's old socks."

"Gee, thanks McKay!" muttered John. Rodney being Rodney took no notice of John whatsoever.

The server shot Rodney a look that clearly said, "_Get out of my face before I stuff a lemon down your throat_".

Undaunted, Rodney turned to find a seat.

"Ya know what McKay; you really have a way of bringing out the best in people."

Rodney being the genius he is didn't miss the emphasis on "best". He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Well thank you Sheppard for illuminating me on that point. I'm sure it will be vital in the war against the Wraith and in saving us all. For that little piece of wisdom you'll have people blessing you for years to come. Thank you, very much."

"Don't mention it McKay." John smirked and picked up his knife and fork.  
"Aren't you worried about what they're feeding us, I mean for all we know this" said Rodney and pointed to the grey substance on his plate "could really be you're old socks and wouldn't we be in trouble then."

"I don't think I'm hungry anymore." groaned John and threw his utensils on the table. Rodney was pleased to note that he was beginning to turn a rather interesting shade of green.

"What the thought of your socks put you off."

"Would you just forget about the socks!!?" bit out John.

"_Round one to me_." thought Rodney smirking to himself, pleased that he had gotten one over on John, even an extremely childish one. "_Not my best work, but you have to take you can get."_

They ate in silence, or rather Rodney did. The commissary was quite now after the dinner rush and there was only two other people there. Soon, in the silence of the commissary, John and Rodney began to take notice of what was being said at the other table.

"Remember, I was in the guy's head. Hell, the only honest move he ever made _on_ a woman, was actually made _by_ a woman!" Laura shook her head sadly. "Listen Bella, you're new to Atlantis, so I'll give you the heads up. The guy sucks when it comes to women. He has permanent foot-in-mouth syndrome around them. I mean it's great as a spectator sport but not so fun when you're actually involved."

Bella grinned and thought of Rodney's recent fumbled attempts at flirting with Katie Brown. "Yea, I've noticed. But..."

"Oh no, there's a but."

Bella glared at Laura in annoyance. "But it doesn't change the fact that, in spite of all that, I like him."

Laura groaned and resisted the urge to bang her off the table. Repeatedly. "But that still doesn't answer my question. Why do you like him?"

"I don't know..."

"But it's, _McKay_!!"

John smirked as the conversation reached his ears. Rodney looked horrified.

"They really can't be allowed to talk about us like that."

"McKay, they're not talking about_ us_, they're talking about_ you_. Now shut up and listen."

"I know it's McKay," said Bella exasperatedly "but that doesn't put me off. I mean, I've only been here a few months, and I know, I don't know him as well as all you do. But you have to remember, I work with the guy as well. I know what he's like. I've seen him make some of the most renowned scientists to be found on Earth cry, I've witnessed him giving a tantrum that would make my five year old niece proud."

"But…"

"He's smart, witty and sarcastic. I like his startling blue eyes, I mean I thought it was only womens' eyes that came in that colour but boy, do they fit him well." sighed Bella dreamily, her head swimming with thoughts of her favourite scientist. "I like his hair, it looks soft and silky."

"Yea, even though there's not a lot of It." interrupted Laura.

Rodney shifted uncomfortably in his seat, silently willing the ground to open up and swallow him, all the while wondering, just who was the woman that was talking about him.

"I mean the guy isn't exactly everyone's picture of physical perfection is he?" John smirked and looked over at Rodney who was now shifting uncomfortably in his seat, clearly embarrassed at the women's words. John felt sorry for his friend. Almost.

"Now Sheppard on the other hand, come to Momma!"

On hearing this, Rodney looked up and smirked evilly at his friend, glad to have the tables turned at last. "You know what they say Colonel, misery loves company!" said Rodney gleefully, enjoying every second of his friend's discomfort.

"I mean, the guy is_ gorgeous_! He's all lean and tall. Bella have you actually taken a look at the guy!!? He's all tanned skin and muscle. He's enough to give the girl the shivers!!" Laura put her arms around herself and shivered theatrically.

Bella couldn't help but laugh at that. "_Laura, you're absolutely incorrigible_." .Bella shook her head fondly.

Laura grinned lewdly and leaned in towards her friend. "Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to run your hands over that tanned skin? I know I have." Laura paused and leaned back in her chair. "Besides, I want to know of that delectable tan goes _all _the way down."

A table or so away, Dr Rodney McKay, self proclaimed genius and smartest man in two galaxies, was having trouble breathing.

John looked across at his friend. Rodney was laughing so hard that he might actually be choking. He glared at his friend and said irritably "Ya know McKay; if you don't start breathing soon you might just_ pass out_."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry." gasped Rodney, as he struggled to catch his breath. He paused for a few seconds and asked completely deadpan, "So, does your tan go all the way down?", before he collapsed in fits of laughter all over again.

John just rolled his eyes. "_I don't care how smart he says he is, the man is a twelve year old girl in disguise_" thought John disgustedly and returned to his eavesdropping.

"Everything about that man is practically _edible_, and boy would I like a bite."

Bella sniggered and put up a hand. "Okay, okay, I'll admit, John Sheppard is very attractive. He's the type of guy you could easily imagine yourself screwing into the middle of next week, and I'm sure that type appeals to some but, it just doesn't appeal to me. The man, he's just too pretty, too perfect.

"Oh he's perfect alright." sighed Laura. "Oh so very perfect."

"Perfect for you." said Bella softly. "But Rodney, he's something else." Bella laughed and smiled to herself. "I find everything about him so incredibly endearing. His crooked smile. He has such a beautiful smile when he lets his guard down. His laugh, his real laugh that he's just unable to stop erupting, not the sarcastic bark, although, I'm rather fond of that too."

The two were silent for a minute or so, one lost in thoughts of sea blue eyes, the other just plain nauseous.

"But my thoughts aren't all pure you know. I've imagined what it would be like, actually being with Rodney if you know what I mean?

"You mean having sex with him." said Laura bluntly and Bella blushed. Laura smirked "What's with the blushing, you certainly didn't blush when you said, and I quote, " _He's the type of guy you could easily imagine yourself screwing into the middle of next week_." So what's with the blushing act now?"

"Well that was different. I've never imagined myself with Sheppard, just with Rodney."

"Oh, I'm going to throw up!!!" groaned Laura. "You got it bad."

"God, don't I know it!!" exclaimed Bella. "I've only been here three months,_ three months_!! In that time not only have I managed to fall in love with an arrogant, egotistical, jerk, who as it just so happens is the head of science and therefore one of my superiors, I've also imagined trying out every position of the Kama Sutra I can remember with him!"

"Where did you learn about the Kama Sutra?" asked Laura speculatively.

"Never you mind." retorted Bella. "My point is, it happened so fast, the man is just irresistible."

"Tell you what, I'll take your word for it." said Laura with a slight shake of her head and a look of bemusement on her face.

Over at his table, that look of bemusement was mirrored on John Sheppard's face. "_There really is no use in trying to understand women_," John thought to himself resignedly "_they're just too damn weird_. "John looked at Rodney. "_If he's irresistible, I sure as hell don't see it_." John shook his head and stood up to leave, fatigued with his hour or so of insight into the female psyche, when another thought struck him. He sat back down in front of Rodney.

"You're going to be a real pain in the ass, well more than usual anyway, because what we heard, aren't you? asked John, already knowing the answer.

"A girl, a women, actually likes me more than they like you! The great John Sheppard, the Captain Kirk of the Pegasus Galaxy, the guy with a girl on every planet and she actually likes me more than she likes you!"

"_Well that's a definite yes anyway_." thought John.

Rodney's voice, which had been rising with each word, drew the attention of Laura and Bella, who couldn't but know what Rodney was mouthing on about. John looked worriedly over at the two women, who by now were looking straight at them.

"Uh, McKay, maybe we should get out of here?"

Rodney in his joy of having an admirer, was oblivious to the impending doom of two extremely pissed off and _approaching_ women.

"Uh, Rodney…" said John pulling at his friend's sleeve, attempting to warn his friend. "_Damn, too late_." thought John mentally preparing himself for the pain of having his balls ripped off, torn to pieces and handed back to him in a paper bag(if he was lucky!).  
"Listen, Ladies…" said John, throwing them what he felt was his most winning smile, attempting to placate the women, so they didn't kill McKay or him for that matter!

"No, you listen," said Bella savagely, shaking with anger "you had no right eavesdropping on our conversation."

"But you were gossiping about _us_!" said Rodney, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.

Bella bristled in anger. "Be that as it may, even though we were wrong to talk about you, as though you were pieces of meat. The fact remains, you still had no right, I repeat no right to eavesdrop on our private conversation like a pair of kids wanting to hear the secrets of the girls next door, you bloody pair of twelve year old eejits!

Laura, Rodney and John looked in amazement at the woman in front of them. John and Rodney had the sense (for once) to look suitably chagrined, Laura just looked amazed.

"_Never thought you had it in you girl, maybe you can handle Rodney after all_." thought Laura proudly

"You'd better be willing to make this up to me McKay and you to Laura," said Bella to John, poking him in the chest with her finger, "or I promise I will get you and it won't be pretty! Let's go Laura, don't call us we'll call you."

Bella started to walk away, Laura in tow.

Bella stopped and turned. She had a slightly amused look on her face and asked "Didn't your mother ever tell it's rude to eavesdrop?"

With that Bella walked out of the commissary, with one very proud and slightly embarrassed friend beside her and two very slack-jawed men behind her.


End file.
